Joe Pantoliano says:'You Can't Get Better Until You Can Talk About It'

Actor Joe Pantoliano, who won an Emmy as the unpredictable Ralph Cifaretto on The Sopranos, is taking his talent and his personal mission to fight the stigma of mental illness to the other side of the camera as producer and director of the documentary No Kidding, Me 2!, an intimate look at the journeys of Americans living with mental illness. Pantoliano is also the founder of No Kidding, Me Too!, a non-profit organization "whose purpose is to remove the stigma attached to 'brain dis-ease' through education and the breaking down of societal barriers."

Pantoliano spoke to Parade.com about his experience filming the documentary  the ways in which his life has been affected by clinical depression (he was diagnosed in 2005), and how he hopes to change the way the world sees mental illness.

No Kidding, Me 2! focuses on the personal journeys of individuals living with mental illness.

What has your experience been like?

"When I was diagnosed and I didn't know about the stigma of mental disease I was relieved. My immediate reaction was as if I'd hit the lottery. Thank God it wasn't my fault. What I couldn't fathom was, 'How was it possible that, in the height of my success, marriage, family, money in the bank

Everything was going right,

Why was I feeling so bad?

Why didn't I even want to live anymore?

And my thought was,

'What more do you need? What's it going to take, Joey?'

I always thought that by accumulating fame and things, that those were just the ticket to fill up that emptiness in me. Now, in dissecting my life, I realize it was a genetic part of me for sure."

People often go years without a diagnosis. Was there an event in your life that caused you to say, "I need to find out what's wrong with me"? "I loved Charlie [actor Charles Rocket, who died in 2005]. And the way that he took his life, and the way that I had only spoken to him two days before, when we made plans for Thanksgiving. We were hashing over old times, the good ol' days. And talked about getting together  for Thanksgiving.

"I was in pre-production on [ Canvas] and so, as a producer, I had to be there ten days earlier than if I was just acting in the thing. So two days afterwards, I was shocked; Nancy, my wife, called to say that Charlie was dead. When that happened, it just knocked me off my center. And I felt a great feeling of empathy that literally scared the shit out of me because I thought that Charlie had found the answer, and that that was the answer for me too."

How did you seek help?

"I take Lipitor for cholesterol, so I've got to go every three months to see my doctor to make sure my liver is all right. While I was there, my doctor wanted to know how I was doing.

And I told him that I was tired all the time, that I was sad all the time-that I couldn't move.I couldn't change. I was in the fetal position most of the day.

I couldn't even brush my teeth.
If there was some magical elixir that was invented that could take all this away and it was sitting six feet away from where I lay, I wouldn't have the energy to get up and get it. He recommended that I see a psychiatrist. And I did."

What was it like growing up in the Pantoliano household Looking back, were there signs of mental illness?

"I've been in some form of therapy since I was 19 years old. My sister has the same disease that's inside of me and was inside of my mother. I never thought we were crazy, I just thought we were Italian, and that everybody who was Italian was just like us. You know, people yelled and we screamed and we carried on and we said what we said and that was the end of it. ,"I did a book in '03 called Who's Sorry Now?, looking at my family history and the first 18 years of my life, where, in writing that book, I was making peace with my mother, but I also thought she was responsible for her misery and the misery that I lived with in my home."

Your mother had a profound affect on you.

"My mother adored me. She worshipped the ground that I walked on. There was nothing that her Joey couldn't have, shouldn't have. She worked four jobs, she ran numbers. She was the provider and the leader of our family. My mother could get blood from a rock.
We were the only people I knew who were getting two Welfare checks a month. My mother was a hustler, and I am a hustler. And so, there are a lot of positive attributes that this disease provides for me. I totally believe that my success is wrapped around that."

You're a husband and father now. How has your family been affected by mental disease?

"I was dyslexic and had attention deficit disorder that my two younger kids are treated for. That's the reason we moved to Connecticut. The state of Connecticut provided an education that was overwhelmingly successful for both of these kids. 

"Isabella, who's 11 now, she understands that this is a disease, and she's treated for it in class. The teachers give her special compensation. And Dani, Dani's graduating this year. She just turned 18 yesterday. She's going to be able to get as much time as she needs in college."

It's hard to imagine anyone who hasn't been affected by mental illness - whether they know it or not.

"This is the rule, not the exception. Because we're so stigmatized by it, we're afraid to tell anybody. It takes usually 8 to 10 years to get diagnosed with this thing, because of the shame."

Despite the progress in diagnosing and treating mental illness, that shame still exists. What can we do to change that?

"The crack is just opening where people are actually opening up to talk about this. What I'd love to see finally happen is have mental health education begin as early as the first grade." The documentary discusses, in intimate detail, people's experiences with mental illness. Is your hope that its frankness will open a dialogue among viewers?

The documentary discusses, in intimate detail, people's experiences with mental illness. Is your hope that its frankness will open a dialogue among viewers?

"That's the message of our organization. With No Kidding, Me Too!, we use our celebrity to shine the light on the dark corners of stigma and shame and prejudice. Simply, we're an organization, and our purpose is to remove the stigma attached to mental illness through this education, the breaking down of societal barriers. Our goal is to empower those with a brain disease, get them to admit it. You can't get better until you can talk about it freely."

What progress have you witnessed in terms of recognizing the importance of mental health?

"The military invited me to bring this documentary for Suicide Prevention Week to show the GIs because they are stymied. They're just now realizing the power of surrendering to your feelings, that depression can kill you. And now, in the military, they're actually teaching in basic training to talk about your feelings. That it is bravery to share your most intimate traumatic events and that by doing that they become less traumatic. And by doing that they just become a part of your past that you can visit."

What has Hollywood's reaction been to your organization, No Kidding, Me Too! (nkm2.org), and the documentary?

"Their reaction is, 'You're doing such important work, Joey.' I'm here now trying to put together PSAs for the opening of this movie. This movie is going to be available exclusively on Amazon.com  You can push a button, you can buy it and you can find out that you're not alone."

What advice do you have for people living with mental illness, who may be feeling alone or ashamed?

"What I would say is, 'You're not alone. There is an answer. There's a solution. There are things that you can do. Instead of staying in bed, turn on your favorite music and dance.' It's hard to feel depressed when you're tap dancing."

What is it that you want viewers to walk away with after watching the documentary?

"We want people to turn to each other and start the conversation. Having been diagnosed with mental disease is the greatest single thing to ever have happened to me."

PARADE.COM

Related articles by Zemanta

• Rosalynn Carter pens new book on mental health (seattletimes.nwsource.com)
• Dr. Tian Dayton: Mental Dis-Ease: PTSD: Suicides in Iraq (huffingtonpost.com)
• "No Kidding, Me Too": The Long Reach of Mental Illness (untreatableonline.com)
• Rosalynn Carter Pens New Book About Mental Health (abcnews.go.com)